Dib Chan Adventures
by The Cowardly Christian
Summary: What if instead of losing their mother, the Membraine family lost their father. What if their mother was a certain chinese badass little girl all grown up? What if the government of earth wasn't total morons? How would Zim handle all this?
1. Chapter 1

Dib Chan Adventures

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...

Invader Zim groaned. "Wha- what has happened? Why is Zim...dizzy...why dose my body hurt?...WHY IS ZIM SHACKLED!?" Screamed Zim to himself.

Frantically, Zim tried to focus and remember what happened... Okay...Me and Gir were entering Earth's atmosphere...we were looking for an ideal place to for my H.Q...Gir was annoying me with his doom song...and also a cake with eyes? I guess...then my ship got shot down...a bee flew into the cockpit...a pony flew by...wait...MY SHIP GOT SHOT DOWN!?

It was at that moment that someone entered the room. Zim snarled at him. "RELEASE ZIM AT ONCE YOU FILTHY APE! MY WRATH WILL BURY YOU! YOU WILL COWER BEFORE ZIM!"

The human just shook her head. "Your in no position to make threats. We've confiscated all your Tech, disabled your robot, and the only reason your not dead without your backpack is because we've got you hooked up to life-support...which we can shutdown at any time." She said that last part tauntingly.

Zim gasped! His PAK! It WAS gone! He snarled enraged. "RETURN MY PAK! RETURN IT SO I MAY KILL YOU!"

The human frowned. "Riiiiight...I'm not going to do that. Any chance we could skip A LOT of drama and you could just tell me why your here?

"HA! DO YOU THINK ME A FOOL!? THE TALLEST HAVE TRUSTED ME- ME! THE ALMIGHTY ZIM WITH THE TASK OF INFILTRATING YOUR PATHETIC PLANET, LEARN IT'S WEAKNESSES, AND SABOTAGE/CONQUER IT IN PREPARATION OF ANNEXING IT TO THE MIGHTY IRKIN EMPIRE! SO TORTURE ME ALL YOU WANT! I'LL NEVER TALK!"

The human just stared at him in disbelief. "Uh...but you just told me your plan." She pointed out confused.

Zim simply stares at her for a second- "YOU LIE!" He demands.

The woman rolled her eyes. "Whatever...I think were done here." She stated as she walked out of the room-

"YES! FLEE COWARD! FLEE WHILE YOU CAN! I HAVE YOU IN MY TRAP! LET ME LIVE AND I'LL DESTROY YOU! KILL ME AND MY BENEVOLENT TALLEST'S WILL RIP YOU APART IN BRUTAL VENGEANCE! YES, THEY WILL AVENGE THEIR FAVORITE INVADER!"

...

"We'll give you a billion Schmeckles, 50 of our best hyper-space death cruisers, and immunity of annexation if you keep Zim away from us FOREVER." Bargained Tallest Red on the monitor.

"Deal." Stated Captain Black with a smirk.

...

Jade Membraine Chan sighed as she clocked out of section 13 and went home. She checked her phone, and sure enough their were several more complaints from the Catholic Reform school she'd sent Gaz to...

 _"Huh, only three complaints for the whole day? Either Mr's Bitters was out sick or Maybe Gaz is improving..."_

"Hey mom! How was work today?" Asked Dib excitedly. Jade smiled. "A nightmare, we caught an alien...I swear, I've been on planets that were the same size as his ego."

And so Mother and son happily talked about happy things...

...

Uncle frowned as he adjusted his wheelchair to get a better look through his telescope...old he maybe...but he recognized bad omens in the stars...

...…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	2. Chapter 2

**Dib Chan Adventures ch. 2**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...

Confused? Good, allow me to shed some light on the subject...

...Many years ago, Membraine wanted children to continue his legacy...but didn't have time for an actual relationship...so he paid to have some prime A 'eggs' sent to him so he could artificially conceive them in his lab.

However, due to a clerical error...the eggs were mistakenly taken from a now late teens Jade Chan...recovering from a sever injury from a recent mission involving demon gophers and collecting Zeus's bottle cap collection...needless to say...she's not happy when she finds this out.

An angry Captain Black has the whole hospital shut down due to gross incompetence...by the time they tracked her eggs...Dib and Gaz had already been conceived...

This led to an angry argument between Jade and Membrane...Jade wanted equal access to her kids and threatened to bring this whole scandal to light if he didn't...Membrane is forced to concede...

They get married(but only in name alone)...to say they REALLY didn't like each other just doesn't do it justice!...their beliefs clashed(science v.s. Magic) and so did their parenting techniques(SWAT had to be called in several times for the later)...

Then one day...an accident occurs during Membraines show...One of his test-monkey's break free and goes nuts with a bazooka...for a moment it looks like either Membrane or Jade was about to bite the big one...then Jade ducks at the last second...Membraine gets a rocket to his teeth...leaving her fully in charge of the kids...and thus became the 'point of Divergence'...

In a different universe Membraine would immediately erase all existence of Jade from the household, forbids the kids of ever speaking of her again, and uses his considerable influence to put a restraining order on all of Jade's family and associates...and would begin a life-long crusade of stamping out Dib's 'insanity' (i.e. his love of all things paranormal)...

But thankfully in this universe...Life for Dib improves...his mom happily encourages his paranormal aspirations...

Dib would also quiets down with his obsessions...he still investigates in private but he keeps a lid on it as his Mom told him- from harsh experience, how he'd be treated by both his schoolmates and the world -But mainly Dib just doesn't want to cause trouble for his mom...she's not really allowed to tell people about her missions as an agent of section 13...but she happily tells Dib(knowing how much he loves hearing about it)...so he keeps quite to not draw attention to her...

so in summary: Between him keeping his 'hobbies' secret and a normal-sized head(Membraine died before force-feeding him that serum to cure his 'insanity'...which in reality cause a benevolent brain tumor that lead to his large head) he's not a pariah in this universe...he's not popular either...more in the middle really...but he's okay with that...

Neither Dib nor Jade agree with the governments strict 'keeping a lid on the paranormal' policy...but Jade doesn't fight it because she doesn't want to risk her pension, which she needs to take care of her kids.

But Dib had a plan... Dib has resolved to (mostly) keep below the radar until he grows up, invents some things, become a respected intellectual...and then blow the cover off the paranormal!

But the more things change though...The more things stay the same...one day Jade comes home early...and finds Gaz beating up Dib!

Jade quickly discovers that this has been going on for awhile...and Dib didn't say anything or defend himself under a misguided belief of 'being a good brother'...and 'hitting a girl is wrong, no matter what'.

With help from her step-aunt Viper, Jade quickly and methodically disabuses Dib of this notion...Now although Dib still tries to be a gentlemen...he understands it's okay to hit girls in self-defense...

As for Gaz...she was grounded, forced to go to a psychiatrist, and go to Catholic Reform school...and if that wasn't bad enough...this universe's Mrs. Bitters was in charge of Discipline...and Gaz had quickly become her 'favorite' student...

Gaz has improved...somewhat...she's still a misanthropic goth...but she's no longer violent and cruel...at least not to Dib anyway...their sibling relationship has actually improved a bit...

...

But enough about that! Let's get back to Zim!

"Dispose of him." Stated Captain Black flatly. They'd gotten all they needed from Zim and more, they didn't need him anymore...but mostly Zim was just plain annoying...half the staff had threatened to quit if he wasn't killed immediately...

His men were just about to gleefully carry out his order- "Sir! You got Captain Breen of Section 7 on line 12!"

Black groaned, how'd he find out about this? "Well, there's my day ruined." He admitted out loud with a groan as he took the call.

...

Much later...inside a room that's never seen the light of day...a tele-confrence was being held...between some of the most important people in the espionage world...

Pawn: For those uninformed, the situation is as follows: Black and Breen are currently in dispute over who has final authority in the 'zim' incident. Breen claims that since his sector has been given final say on all things 'extraterrestrial' on earth, he should get the final say. Black contests that since Zim landed in his district, he gets final say. Unfortunately, by our charter. Both claims have equal merit.

Knight: Seriously? Who wrote this garbage!?

King: Regardless, we should make sure that the charter is amended to prevent such a contradiction in the future.

Queen: Sadly, such an amendment won't help us in the current crisis.

Rook: Is there any chance that they'd be willing to share authority on this?

Bishop: Oh, for the love of- Rook, I respect your prowess, but you seriously need to get out of your office and mingle with your employees once in awhile! It's common knowledge that the two hate each other!

Rook: First of all; that mountain of paperwork that we produce won't file itself. Second, how so?

Pawn: Let me check our files...ah! Here it is! Their hatred appears mainly based on philosophical differences and differing management style's. Breene has been heard to refer to Black as a weak moralist who can't 'do what's necessary' to protect earth. And Black seems to be of the opinion that Breen's a monster who did unspeakable things under the cover of 'global security'.

Bishop: an opinion I agree with whole-heartedly.

Rook: Bishop we've been over this...the allegations against Breen were deemed 'inconclusive' and dropped.

Bishop: If by inconclusive you mean his result were too promising to throw away, then sure.

Knight: Come on Bishop, don't be like that. Breen...'technically' stuck to his orders...did he 'interpret them' differently then we'd hopped? Sure, but the results were amazing! section 100 is proof of that!

Bishop: He was experimenting on the poor and sick! Were supposed to be better then this!

Knight: That was never proven!

Bishop: Yes, how convenient that the lab he was working on burnt down before the investigation, and that the blame was all on a 'rouge assistant' that ALSO died in the fire!

King: ENOUGH! Bishop, for the record me and Queen agree with you that the whole situation reeks to high heaven. But where is your proof?

Queen: In any case...you know what's coming. For better or for worse, We need Breen's expertise to get section 100 ready in time...if you find proof that Breen did as you said, we will punish him accordingly...but until then...we will not revoke his clearance or arrest him. End of discussion.

Rook: (nervous cough) Um, I think we've gotten off topic...during your 'discussion' I've taken a closer look at the files...an argument could be made that Black overstepped his bounds by negotiating with a potential hostile alien empire without even consulting Breen first.

Bishop: Said negotiations have averted an invasion and have given us enough money and alien tech to set many of our goals forward hundreds of years! Dose that sound like something worth punishment?

Rook: (again coughs nervously) Um...well when you put it like that...I suppose it would set a bad precedent.

Knight: Hold on everyone...I think I have a compromise that all parties will find at least 'adequate'.

King: what do you have in mind?

Knight: I was looking through some files of rejected projects of Breen. Pawn, tell everyone what project 'sleeper' is and why it was rejected.

Pawn: Project Sleeper: an idea to use Alien POW's to create sleeper agents...everyone- even Bishop agreed that the project had potential. But it seems everyone- minus Knight -rejected it because they no longer trusted Breen to be moral and unbiased when in charge of it...this distrust seems to be caused due to the...aforementioned incident that Bishop just now spoke of. Indeed, this distrust seems to be the main reason that Breen's projects are now rejected and he's given no more promotions.

Knight: so in summary: project good, Breen in charge bad.

Pawn: Uh...yes, in summary.

Knight: Right...my proposal is this: we activate the project...put this Zim alien in it...give it all the resources Breene asked for...and then have it stationed in Black's district, under blacks command.

Rook: Huh...that...is legally fine I believe. I vote yes.

Bishop: For the record I want to state this will probably be a bad idea...but for the life of me I can't think of a better way to solve the current situation...so I'll vote yes.

King: yes

Queen: yes

Pawn: yes

Knight: Yes

King: Right, next item of business...the return of Roanoke to it's rightful owner...

...

"You want me to pretend to be beaten?" asked Zim to the monitor of his Tallests. Red sighed. "Yes, blend in with the population, make friends, get a house, pay bills, find a mate, drink coffee, etc. etc. etc. blah. blah blah. Just don't do ANYTHING else until we say otherwise. That's your mission or whatever now. Don't call us, will call you. I'm done!" And with that communication was cut. "I WON'T LET YOU DOWN, MY TALLEST!" Saluted Zim.

Black sighed as he watched the exchange from the one-way window. "It's sad how easy that was...but this next part won't be."

...

"YOU WANT ME TO DO WHAT!?" Shouted Jade...

...…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	3. Chapter 3

**Dib chan adventures**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher** **, also available at Amazon and BarnesandNoble.**

...

 **AN: this story is a reward to ImperialStar for doing my 'Shake up the falls' story challenge.**

...

Captain Black nursed the black eye he'd gotten from Jade. He couldn't really blame her. True, it was nice to get one over Breene for once...unfortunately, the guidelines set up in the 'sleeper' program; required that Zim(among other things) insert himself in a 'normal' family...and unfortunately, that excluded everyone under Blacks command save for Jade(turns out family and spycraft didn't mix well, who knew?).

In any case, he had his orders. "TA-DA!" Shouts Zim as he jumps out wearing a human 'disguise'. Black groaned as he slapped his forehead, _"This is never going to work..."_

...

"We have to do WHAT!?" Exclaimed Dib and Gaz(Dib in excitement and Gaz in horror). Jade groaned, "I know...I know. I didn't like it either...but Captain Black's hands are tied. Soooo...were bunking with an alien!"

"AWESOME!" Shouts Dib. While Gaz rolls her eyes, "Terrific, what's not to love about an alien taking my food or hogging my games." Jade glared at her daughter, "Considering the call I received this morning, there won't be games or pizza to hog for a week! Really Gaz? Sunbathing naked on the roof of the school again?"

Gasz flustered, "Oh, come on mom! Wasn't it punishment enough that when Bitters found me she took my clothes and locked me on the roof- SHE DID WHAT!?" Interrupted Jade suddenly causing both kids to jumps.

She tried to calm herself, "She...she conveniently left that part out...fine, no punishment...but your on thin ice missy." She warned.

Gaz groaned, "You know you never punish Dib for his naked escapades!" She pointed out hotly, "That's because he doesn't WANT to be naked, it just happens...also, Dib...the school called...i got some of the details...but how bad was it really?" She asked concerned.

Dib blushed, "...I don't want to talk about it..." He mumbled.

Jade sighed, Ever since the 'locker room prank incident'...Dib's life had gotten more... _interesting_...she blamed that Zita girl!

...

Captain Black groaned as the thirteenth operative he called in to give Zim a proper disguise...stormed out after a minute of being around the little nuisance and threatened to quit if sent back in again.

Black threw up his hands, "Oh for the love of- BAH! I'll just have a doctor send a blasted note to the school saying he has a 'skin condition'! Cthulhu knows we've done worse with dumber hoaxes in a pinch!" He then storms off to get a stiff drink...

...

Breene seethes in his office, How dare they...that project had been HIS brainchild! For them to give it away- to BLACK of all people...no, he would not tolerate that!

But perhaps...perhaps this wasn't so terrible? Perhaps it could be an opportunity? After all...how would it look if this 'Zim' was exposed on Black watch under the eyes of his 'best' agent?...it would ruin him!

Better still...he had an asset put in place years ago at the very school her children went to...he'd done that out of paranoia more then anything...but perhaps now was the time to use it...

He smirked as he made the call...

...

While the mice and men plotted...high above the planet...something not-human plotted...MORE? ...BAH! Whatever; bottom line: Houston we got TAK!

...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	4. Chapter 4

**Dib chan adventures**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

 **...**

 **AN: This chapter is a gift to** **ImperialStar for doing my challenge**

 **...**

Dib always believed that if he ever met an alien- and didn't catch it to be dissected -they'd be best friends.

"ZIM NEEDS NOT YOUR HELP, EARTHWORM! ZIM IS SUPERIOR IN STUDYING EARTH CULTURE!"

...reality could really stink at times...

"...you failed all the questions on the questionnaire, you scored a -123 somehow!" Snapped Dib annoyed. He had only a week to prep Zim before he got sent to his school...and he was already driving him up the wall the first day!

"Zim didn't fail! He simply confused the questionnaire with bad intel to ready my conquest of it!"

"...I just- That makes no...WHAT!?" Sputtered Dib baffled.

"HA! My superior linguistic skills have left you stumped! ZIM WINS AGAIN!" And he walks out of the room before Dib could stop him. Dib face-palms as he wonders how on earth he was supposed to keep that morons identity secret.

...

Zim quickly composed a list of all the Tallest's had asked of him; _"Blend in with population, make friends, get a house, pay bills, find mate, drink coffee... etc?...what's an 'etc'? And when dose it go blah?"_ Zim shrugged, he'd figure that out later. Right now... "Coffee! Prepare to get drunk!" Shouted Zim as he dumped to whole abandoned boiling coffee pot into his mouth...

...

Meanwhile, Jade was having a talk with Uncle over the phone. "Your absolutely sure? That bad? What can you say about the threat? ...I see, I'll talk to Captain Black about this, maybe get the talisman on standby. But how's Jackie? I-

 **OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!**

Jade- and everyone else within a 10 block radius -looked toward her Kitchen where the unearthly scream of agony originated...

...

Gaz may no longer be a hateful monster that only cared about herself...but Gaz was still Gaz. Thus it didn't surprise Jade at all to find her daughter eating popcorn and smirking as Zim writhed on the ground in agony as he foamed from his mouth which was now covered in pulsating boils from where the coffee hit.

Jade shook her head, "Gaz, we've talked about this- "It was next on my list to do, honest!" Shouts Gaz quickly as she goes help Zim. Jade rolls her eyes, but says nothing as she and Gaz patch Zim up.

After recuperating, Zim shouts; "You may have won the battle COFFEE, but I will win...the NEXT battle!" "That's WAR idiot." Grumbled Gaz. Zim looks at who talked, then frowned for a second...then reached over and grabbed Gaz's chest and squeezed it.

Ga and Jades eye's practically popped out of their heads, they were too stunned to speak. "Huh, flat-chested...but definitely female milk sac's." Zim comes to a decision; "First female of my approximate age group that I've seen! Congratulations! You have the honor of being my mate!" Shouts Zim with a smirk.

Gaz, was livid! She turns to her mom, "Mom-

"Kick his ass sweetie", Said Jade flatly .

Now it was HER turn to watch as Zim got beaten up so badly it made the coffee look like a papercut...

 **...**

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	5. Chapter 5

**Dib chan adventures**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...

 **AN: this story is a reward to Zim'sMostLoyalServant**

...III...

Dib groaned, "This is going to end so badly." He said to himself. For indeed it was D-day...Zim's first day of school. Needless to say, after 'Zim's beat down' things hadn't improved.

Zim ignored even MORE of Dib's lessons to focus on making Gaz his mate- to prove his dominance over the flat-chested 'she-beast'...Dib didn't know what part of all that disturbed him more...

In any case...here they were...Skool(seriously, someone REALLY needed to fix that typo). Dib sighed, "Look Zim, please just stay by me and let me do the talking. If we just do that- And your already gone." Dib says that last part with a sigh as indeed Zim was nowhere to be seen.

Dib groaned, "Why couldn't my mission be to EXPOSE him as an alien?! That would've been soooo much easier!"

...

Meanwhile, a thousand Dibs across a thousand universes felt the need to punch themselves...

...

Dib sighed as he walked down the hallway...girls whispering and giggling toward his general direction.

Following his mom's advice, he'd kept his 'quirks' to himself. From personal experience his mom had learned the hard way that kids will never believe anything 'abnormal' and will make life a nightmare for anyone they perceive 'is'...in other words kids are jerks...

Better to just keep your head down and wait until AFTER graduation to be yourself. So Dib had done just that...he wasn't popular...but neither was he a target for ridicule...

Dib tired to think of it as espionage training...and yet...he sometimes felt lonely...it be nice for their to be a kid or two who shared his interest's...

Speaking of 'interest', Dib blushed as a rather cute girl made a rather lewd gesture toward him.

At least...he USED to be below the radar...then the 'locker room incident' occurred...

...

 _Dib hastily made sure that the locker room was empty and everyone had left. Shyly he ran in and began to undress, he only had a limited time before the next class. He needed to finish his shower quickly!_

 _He quickly undressed, jumped in and took a brief hot shower._

 _He then reaches over to grab the towel he left hanging nearby to dry up...but his hand is just grasping at air._

 _"Wha?" Asks Dib out loud, but his bangs are currently soapy and covering his eyes. So he assumes he just can't see where it is._

 _Knowing he had a limited time before his next class started, he decided to just forgo drying off and just get dressed quickly. He threw open the shower door-_

 ** _FLASH!_**

 _And into a throng of giggling girls and camera's..._

...

Turns out Zita had noticed his 'habit' and had stolen his clothes, towel and convinced a bunch of girls to come in and take pictures of him when he came out...

And were STUNNED...turns out Dib was 'packing' downstairs...Dib had been too busy running naked away from the girls to notice...but in several seconds he'd become a stud in the eyes of all girls in the school...

Which doesn't sound so bad...except how they go about it.

They- usually lead by Zita -sought to humiliate and expose him at every turn...he was pretty sure he could have his own nude-calendar at this point!

 **BOOM!**

Dib was broken from this unhappy thought as an explosion rocked the school, easily guessing who it must be Dib quickly runs in a panic.

 **WHAM!**

"Sorry!" Shouts Dib as he bumps into a girl, but he just keeps running. "Please don't be too bad,  
Please don't be too bad,Please don't be too bad,Please don't be too bad,Please don't be too bad,Please don't be too bad-

Repeated Dib over and over before he entered the gymnasium...

And saw that it WAS that bad...

Zim was badly roughed up, his disguise gone and he was clearly inside the shattered remains of a giant, alien fighting robot.

"You...win this round...Coffee." He grunted.

Dib groaned as he saw all the witnesses surrounding him, "Bad day, bad day bad day, bad day, bad day!" He cried out.

This was a disaster! His family would be censored...again, his mom would probably lose her job and-

"Yikes that kid is ugly." Said one kid.

Dib's eye's widened, "Wha?"

"Seriously, they'll give ANYTHING to kids these days- another kid points to robot bit's -The internet rocks!"

Indeed everyone was already dismissing Zim as a creepy, ugly kid...

"Huh...I guess this might be easier then I thought...boy am I grateful for people's obliviousness to all things supernatural!" Exclaims Dib happily.

...

Meanwhile, a thousand Dibs across a thousand universes felt the desire to strangle themselves...

...

"Huh, maybe this day won't be so bad after all." Thinks Dib as he reaches into his pocket to grab a phone to call his mom about this-

Only to find his phone...and pocket's are gone-

"HEY LOOK! CHAN IS AT IT AGAIN!" Laughs someone as they point as the last remnant of cloth on Dib's body falls apart...and then retracts from a flustered Dib covering himself from a laughing mob...and back to the girl Dib had bumped into...which turns out to be Zita...

"Nice to see those sweet buns again", she teased.

…III...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	6. Chapter 6

**Dib chan adventures 6**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...III...

Jade smiled as she picked up the talismans from the box Captain Black gave to her, "Hello old girls...you miss me?" The moment was ruined as she got a call from school regarding Dib being...'indecent'...again...

Jade groaned, _"I'm almost glad the worlds in trouble again...it's far more straightforward a problem to solve then raising a kid."_

...

Tak smiled with anticipation, it had been many years. But soon she would have her revenge! Soon she would enter this primitive planet's atmosphere- they hadn't even colonized their moon yet, how adorably quaint -and then she'd begin her conquest.

First, she'd subvert control of some manner of 'mega-corp, small country country, or similar establishment' with enough resources to facilitate her needs. Second, she'd assume a human identity(preferably as the 'daughter' of said 'Mega-corp or etc.), third she'd find Zim, make him hurt, make him suffer a bit, wreck his base and steal his mission, and become the invader she was destined to-

 **BOOM!**

"Got it." Said the officer on the hidden lunar base that had just shot down the unidentified object.

In fairness to Tak, the concept of 'pretending to be a primitive world to trick would-be invaders to underestimate their adversaries' was a rather unorthodox concept that most people wouldn't grasp until it was too late...which was kinda the whole point if you stopped and think about it...

...

Gaz tinkered at the cafeteria table with stuff from her dads old lab, although at first her mom tried to wean her off her video game 'addiction' by pointing out there was no future in it...showing her how much money you could make as a videogame designer, tester, making playthrough's online, or at the now more then common videogame competitions...well at first it caused Mom to sulk for a bit as apparently Great Uncle Jackie had 'conveniently' left out that part when he constantly stopped her playing videogames in her youth.

...eventually they came to a compromise, she could continue playing the same amount of videogames(within reason), but she at least needed to find a secondary hobby to fall back on.

She was currently just randomly tinkering with her dad's junk, finding something that was 'her', she'd used her lunch break to come down to Dib's school and get his advice on how to work this strange device she'd found rummaging through the old labs.

She was almost certain that the machine was used to make bread dough...but she just wasn't sure HOW. In any case some kind of commotion seems to have drawn people to the gymnasium, so she could at least enjoy the quiet until she found Dib-

"Hey! You! Small breasted human she-male!"

-Or not.

Gaz growled...but smiled, fortunately her mom had given her permission to do whatever she had to to 'discipline' Zim.

A very injured Zim hobbled over to her, "Small breasted human she-male! I demand you-

 **ZAP!**

And just like that, Zim was now a wad of bread dough, "Gah! What is this!? What have you done to Zim?! I think I've pulled a muscle!...or fifty!"

Gaz smirks, "Oh, have you? I'm sorry to hear that, let me help flatten your back a bit-

 **SMACK!**

 **GAH!**

Screamed Zim as Gaz smacked him with a rolling pin until he was nice and flat.

Gaz then greases him with butter, puts him into a pan, and then puts him in the oven.

Gaz smiles happily as Zim's scream's of agony resounded from the oven.

When Gaz took him out, despite his agony he was still able to shout: "HA! FOOL! YOU HAVE JUST MADE ZIM STRONGER! I'M NOW FIRM AND READY TO TAKE ON THE WORLD!" Shouted the green loaf of bread that was Zim.

Gaz smirks, "Really? Seems to me like your just full of hot air-

 **SLICE!**

 **GAH!**

Screamed Zim as Gaz started to slice him up, "Oh, this is gonna hurt!" Groaned Zim right before his face on the heel fell over and slammed against the counter. "GAH! MY FACE! (sob) ...my face..."

Gaz takes away all the pieces of bread- which she's thrilled to see she can still feel pain collectively even when separated from each other and puts them all in toasters.

And once more sits back and relaxes to the sound of Zim's cries of pain...

Finally he pops back up, "...Can't...move...my...face..." He groaned.

"Buddy your toast." Said Gaz with a sadistic smile as he picked up the pieces of toast.

"Cease...your...insolence...you...won't...break...me..." Groaned Zim.

Gaz just laughed, "We'll see...I rather think Iggins will have a second opinion on that, don't you Iggins?"

"Huh?" Asked the stick of butter that used to be Iggins before Gaz sliced his face in half and crushed/smothered across Zim's now mutilated and burnt pieces of body(i.e. the toast).

 **GAH! MY FACE! MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!**

Screamed Iggins. But his scream pales in comparison to Zim when Gaz slices his face(and one of his eyes) in half. Gaz's stomach then starts to grumble...Gaz hadn't eaten in awhile...she looks at the still screaming toast...shrugs and-

 **(yeah, there's no way I'm NOT censoring this)**

...

Thankfully the ray eventually wears out and Zim reconstitutes to his original form...but not before Zim ends up in the sewer.

"That she-beast has ruined, tortured, and humiliated me! In ways that Zim never thought possible...why dose Zim's squeedlyspooch purr with arousal?"

...

Gaz looked at her watch as she rushed through the Skool, "Dang it! I wasted too much time with that idiot! I'm going to be late getting back! Mrs. Bitters will have my butt on a platter!"

Gaz chuckles, "Well, I guess it was kinda worth it just to be able to say from this point on that that jerk is LITERALLY a walking piece of shi-

And then she sees an all-too-familiar sight...

Gaz turns green as she covers her eyes from the sight of her naked brother, "So that's what was drawing everyone's attention to the gymnasium..." Despite the situation Gaz can't help but chuckle at Dib's misfortune...and get an idea...

Dib, too busy preserving his modesty and looking for a place to hide or something to cover himself...didn't see his sister...or her pulling the fire alarm.

Hearing this, a panicked Dib ran though the nearest door...which to his horror was to outside. He tried to get back inside...but Gaz had already locked it...

Hey, they may have been on better terms then in most universes but there was no way Gaz was going to let this opportunity go by...if she had to streak home naked, so did he!

...

Tak groaned as she dragged herself out of the smoking crater... "What- what was that?! This puny planet shouldn't have defenses like that! I- She shakes her head, "Worry about that latter! Focus! Remember your training; asses the situation...stranded on a mostly unknown world, ship totaled, Mimi was nowhere in sight, her gear-

And then she went a far deeper shade of green...her clothes were ash! She was NAKED!

She groaned as she covered her privates embarrassed, "I was better off on Dirt..." She moaned humiliated...

…III...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	7. Chapter 7

**Dib chan adventures 7**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

 **HAPPY BIRTHDAY** **Zim'sMostLoyalServant!**

...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...III...

Tak frantically tried to not panic...but that in itself was a fight she was increasingly starting to lose internally. Despite her best efforts, there was almost NOTHING salvageable from the crash! Mimi was nowhere to be found...and she was STILL naked and stranded on a primitive world!

Quickly, she took parts she could get to mend her pack...but there was only enough juice to make her look human! No clothes! She was still naked! True, her skin color, hair and eyes were different...but it was still her basic nude form!

Despite her embarrassment, she tried to curb her rising panic. She quickly hides the remains of the wreck while thinking to herself- _"Calm down Tak...you can blend in now, the savage natives won't rip you apart. It's a bit embarrassing, but you can still get out of this. You just need to go low-tech. Find some real clothes, maybe lay low for a-_

"Okay, good! I think I'm deep enough in the woods so no one can-

And that's when a naked Dib walked out of the bush in front of Tak.

Both naked adolescents just stared at each other shocked.

Dib, forgot his nudity for a second to take in the sights of the cute naked girl in front of her...and thus didn't cover himself when his 'enjoyment' became clear for all to see.

Tak...was equally stunned...and delighted. For although Irkins these days mostly relied on manufactured incubators to birth their young, they made sure to also keep their sex organs in working order so they could have more options to rebuild their population during a crisis. So of course, they had an appreciation for the less 'noble' aspects of those organs as well...and this primitives 'lower antenna' was the BIGGEST one she'd ever seen!

"Uh...so you got locked out too?" asked a flustered Dib awkwardly.

"Wha?" Said a now also flustered Tak as she tore her hungry gaze from his lower antenna.

"Your...y'know...naked? Where you locked out of your place like I was?" Asked dib again just as awkwardly.

"Wha- OH! Yes, of course! That's exactly what happened!" She shook her head, _"Get your head in the game Tak! Your a future elite for crying out loud! Business first, THEN pleasure!"_

Quickly she got her game face back on and inched closer to Dib...letting some parts of her curves get artfully exposed between her limbs. "Listen...I won't bore you with the details...but long story short: I'm not only naked but also far away from my house...do you know somewhere nearby where I can freshen up?...your place maybe?" She says that last part in a seductive way.

Dib gulps, but nods...

Tak has to keep herself from chuckling...this was too easy...

 **PLOP!**

Which was of course the birds cue to poop on her head...

...

Gaz ran through the streets, that whole thing with Zim and locking Dib out made her late to get back to her own school! Mrs. Bitters was going to have her butt on a platter! But if she got back quick enough-

 **YOU! SMALL-BREASTED SHE-MALE!**

Gaz doesn't even break her stride as she whips out a tazer, zaps Sim and renders him unconscious...

Zim groans as she stomps over him...

...

"Okay, my mom shouldn't be here for awhile so we should have time to get dressed. I have a sister, but I don't know if her clothes will fit you or not-

"At this point I'll take what you got." Said Tak flatly, she sneered internally. _"Silly human, so trusting. Allowing a complete stranger into your house."_

It would surprise her to know that Dib was NOT being careless, the house had been warded by Uncle to keep all out all dark forces.

Dib watches, hand resting on a gun hidden in a nearby gnome. Waiting to see if she passes through the door umolested...he waits...and she makes it through.

Reassured, Dib runs into the house after the cute naked girl with no fear...

It wouldn't be until later when he realizes that the ward was designed to protect against MAGICAL evil, not extraterrestrial evil with no magic whatsoever(Or as Uncle would so eloquently put later; "Uncle Chi Wizard not Xeno-biologist!").

...

Gaz sighed as she was once more forced to endure the CHOKEY: a very tall but narrow cupboard that is 10 inches square so no one can sit ,squat in it. It closely resembles an iron maiden. The Chokey is filled with broken glass sticking out in the walls with nails on the door and whoever wobbles will either be spiked by the glass or the nails.

 _"Well, at least it wasn't dart day..."_

 **CRACK!**

She looks up in time to see Zim break down the door, "HA! Now you need Zim's help Small-breasted She-male! Now who's the master!?"

And then a shadow enveloped them.

"Well...what have we here?" Said Mrs. Bitters looking down at a now sweating Zim...

"I Don't know him, I swear." Said a panicked Gaz quickly.

"Don't care."

...and then the screaming started.

...

Unfortunately, Dib had forgotten that today had been laundry day so they still had nothing to wear...not having a lot of choices, they began to get to know each other...

At first Tak played along so she could gather intel about the natives...but in time she found herself straying off the topic. Turns out Dib was just a VERY enjoyable person to talk to.

He was quite intelligent- a seemingly rare quality to find theses days -for the first time EVER she had an intelligent conversation with someone and didn't know if she could keep up! There were times he actually managed to outtalk her! That hadn't happened since her early academy days! And even then it had only been with instructors!

And then the topic of magic came up-

"Magic? Come on, you can't really believe in that nonsense." Said Tak dismissively.

Dib looked at her surprised, up until this moment she'd been the most open-minded and paranormal inclined person- outside of his family -he'd ever meet! "Wait, how can you believe in Aliens but not magic?" He asked confused.

Tak gave him a look, "Dib, aliens at least have a scientific base: The universe is HUGE for humans to assume were the only inteligent species in it is the hight of hubris and arrogance."

Dib blinked at that, "Wow...that's actually pretty rational...but I can prove it! Give me a second!" He knew he was supposed to 'maintain the Masquerade' but he was REALLY enjoying his time with Tak...he might actually be getting a friend here...he didn't want to lose that chance...the fact that she was a gorgeous naked girl was just a bonu-

And then he saw it.

 _"No way! When did she get these ba- Never mind, these are perfect!"_

And thus right before Tak's stunned eye's he showed off the power of the talismans...

...

Tak was dumbfounded...she was currently hovering above her OWN body...as a ghost!? Tak's mind was spinning over the possibilities of this...magic was real! This...this...she had no idea what it could mean...but it was HUGE!

So distracted was she by this idealogical crisis...she didn't notice her pak freak out over her bodies 'unresponsive state' and try to 'revive' her...which drew power from her camaflouge, revealing her true form!

"TAK!? Your an Irken!?" Shouted Dib stunned...and even more stunned how her alien skin only seemed to ENHANCE her beauty.

Now Tak hadn't been the top of her class for nothing, the instant those words came out of Dibs mouth, she realized she'd been compromised, swam back into her body, cold-cocked Dib to the floor, snatched all the talismans and ran out the door.

She ran away just as Jade came in sight of her house, seeing this she quickly ran inside to make sure her kids were safe and sighed at the sight of her naked son on the floor next to the now empty Talisman case.

"Meet a cute girl who got you, became practically your best friend, then turned out to be a monster in disguise?" She asked in a somber yet sympathetic way.

"wha- How'd you guess so quickly!?" Asked Dib amazed.

Jade sighed as she helped him up, "I've been there Dib...believe me...I've been there." Memories of _Seymore_ briefly pop in her mind...

...

Tak excitedly ran through the streets, she held in her hands 12 WMD's of wonder! And Dib had siad 'irkin' so Zim might be nearby! She was on top of the world!

 **CLICK!**

 **CLICK!**

 **CLICK!**

And then she remembered she was naked...and saw she'd run in front of a group of photographer enthusiasts...

The pictures of the running in shame hot girl with an even hotter skin condition, screaming 'I will end you peverts! Mark my words!' would go viral very quickly...

…III...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	8. Chapter 8

**Dib chan adventures 8**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

 **AN: Dedicated to** **ImperialStar, best of luck coming to America buddy!**

...III...

Tak grumbled to herself, "Okay... a LOT of major setbacks today...but with these- holds up talismans -I can definitely turn this around."

Tak was still naked, but she had found Mimi at least. She was basically huddling in the sewer over a box of scraps.

"Stupid primitives, haven't even mastered basic Quantum technology- She grumbles as she tries to cobble all the junk she'd taken from trash cans into something usable.

Finally, she'd gotten a connection to the intergalactic web as well as the humans inferior 'internet'. She quickly ran a search on 'talismans' and 'magic', most entries were clearly fake or downright misleading...but there was some fringe sites...that had some promise.

While looking through those she also looked through other worlds...for if humans had 'magic', then shirley other races must have it too.

...nope, no such luck. It would seem that with just about every other race in the galaxy; magic was either non-existent, or the concept had long since 'been outgrown as silly superstitious nonsense' to such an extent that the concept might as well have been non-existent!

Sadly, it seems that Irkins were of the later variety...still, apparently they did use to practice magic in ancient times...and worshiped an...Arkvoodle?... Who was said to grant mystic blessing?!

Tak looked at this with interest, "Hmmmm...could be a wild goose chase...I'll make a note of it and do more research later when I have more resources, right now I need to focus on figuring out these talismans!"

 **SPLAT!**

And then the old folks home 'finishes their rounds'...enveloping Tak in sewage...

...

"What do you want Mrs. Bitters?" Asked Jade impatiently over the phone. For obvious reasons she absolutely HATED talking to the woman, the only reason she let her get away with what she did was...well, frankly after all the horrible things Gaz did to Dib...and everyone else...her daughter pretty much had it coming...

She frowns at what she hears, "You want ZIM to transfer to your school? Isn't it a ALL-girls school? Why- She shakes her head, "Forget it, I don't have time for this. Sure, whatever you want to do, do it. Just leave me be." She clicks the phone off.

She had bigger things to worry about...

"HI-YAH! Don't we have enough to worry about!? First bad chi stars! Then annoying alien weirdo show up! Now all talismans in hands of Alien femme fatale because great nephew couldn't keep it in his pants!" Screamed an irate Uncle.

"...By the sound of it, he didn't even HAVE pants. Dang Jade, your kids move FAST." Teased Jade's aunt-in-law Viper...

Jade groaned, _"It's too early to deal with this..."_

Dib, meanwhile had mixed feelings. On the one hand he was bummed that his first real friend turned out to be an imposter and a thief- fortunately the betrayal had happened quick enough before any real bond could form between them...in other words; it still sucked but it wasn't Terrible... But on the other hand...he couldn't get the image of her rocking naked green body out of his mind...

Thankfully, Jade wasn't going to punish him too badly since Tak passing the wards unaffected- plus her nudity -made her seem harmless enough...but he wouldn't be allowed to watch 'Mysterious Mysteries' for a month(since bringing out the talismans to a stranger WAS stupid)...AND he had to be the one to explain this to captain Black...

Dib groaned as he made the call...

...

Captain Black groaned as he put the phone down after yelling at Dib, yet another mess he needed to clean up! What had Jade's boy been thinking, _"Oh, well...It could be worse I suppose..."_

Indeed, things could've been worse.

In another universe Dr. Membraine was getting sick and tired of Jade not allowing him to raise the kids 'his way', and he was equally tired of Captain Black and section 13 throwing his weight in to help her.

So before his death he'd been secretly conspiring with various 'fringe' political parties. He gave them his money and influence, in exchange for them 'silencing' Jades 'friends in high places'.

Had Jade died and Membraine lived, this plan would've gone ahead, and not only would Section 13 be 'liquidated' but thanks to the resources and influence Membrane gave them, these 'fringe parties' would've eliminated ALL their competition. Allowing them to implement numerous nihilistic, anti-altruism, pro-corporation, anti-supernatural and frankly downright stupidly disturbing policies globally. Creating a rather cyber-punk dystopian world...

Fortunately, Membraine's death shut off their main/only means of support. Their attempts of continuing their plan...ended in said fringe elements being wiped out.

Black knew none of this- one of the few occasions that ignorance really was bliss - So he quickly began to put out an APB for Tak...

...

He was in a place that didn't exist, it wasn't on any map, it had no name, and even mentioning it private was grounds for high treason and immediate execution by the United Nations...

It was place for things to be 'forgotten', a fortress to protect dangerous secrets, a PRISON for the worst of the worst.

Completely unknowable, unlocatable, untraceable, and completely inescapable-

 **BOOM!**

...or at least...that WAS the case before the bad Chi stars aligned...

"I'M BACK BABY!"

Shouts Drago as he walks from the burning wreck that used to the prison that held him for over 20 years( **1** )...carrying a strange mask along with him...a mask...of a sleeping demon...soon to rise once more...

…III...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **(1): in this story, the fifth season never happened...until now.**

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	9. Chapter 9

**Dib chan adventures**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...III...

Tak looked down on herself satisfied, true her disguise was still on the fritz but at least now she had clothes. This purple dress she'd swiped from that creepy building wasn't really her thing...but it was better then nothing!

In any case she was wearing a make-shift hat and mask to hide her face as she headed to her destination...

Looking through the internet she'd found something called the 'no longer about History channel' which did multiple documentaries on 'ancient aliens visiting earth'...it was all rubbish of course, but it gave Tak a new idea for research...

...Hey, it wasn't like she had a lot of other options at first...stupid talismans still wouldn't work for her and she was till stranded with limited resources...

In any case, some drunk teenagers had recently taken a 'selfie' at a isolated cave where they go to 'frolic'...anyway, they were using a statue that looked like the ancient irken pagan god Arkvoodle to hold their beer!

Again, bit of a long-shot...but again, what other options did she have?

She goes to the cave and finds the campsite. Fortunately all the teens are too busy...'frolicking' to notice her...Tak gets a bit sidetracked by this...she'd never actually seen 'frolicking' before! It was disgusting!...and yet...oddly intriguing...

She finally forced herself to break away from the sight and reached over to touch the statue-

 **ZAP!**

Suddnly a heavely visage was glowing from the statue, so ethereal and angelic was it...Tak couldn't help but fall to her knees in submission of it's beauty.

 **CHILD OF IRKIN! THOU HAVE SUMMONED ARKVOODLE OF THE SACRED CROTCH! ARE THOU WORTHY OF THY HOLY BLESSINGS!?**

Tak gulped, "Y-yes my lord!"

 **OH MY DAUGHTER, TALK MATTERS NOT IN THE MACHINATIONS OF THE ALIGNMENTS OF THE UNIVERSE! ONLY ACTION MAY THY PROVE THEY MERIT! SHOW A PROOF OF THY FAITH BY RUNNING THROUGH THY WALL, I SHALL BANISH IT FOR THEE!**

Tak nods, she honestly thought that this would've just been yet another wild goose chase...but now clearly it was so much more... She begins to sprint to the cave wall without hesitation.

Yes, it was all so clear to her now! This was all destiny! Clearly higher powers were at work here! Her entire life- NAY, her entire purpose of existence had been leading up to the mom- No, her old life was meaningless now. She saw that now. TODAY she'd be reborn! TODAY she was called to a higher calling! Today she-

 **BANG!**

Tak slams into the wall and falls to the ground in pain...while Arkvoodle laughs.

 **BWA! HA! HA! HA! HA! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ACTUALLY DID THAT! OH, MERCY I'VE MISSED THIS!**

Tak glared as her brief infatuation with religion died an ignoble death...

 **(SNICKER) OH, DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT! I'VE BEEN BARELY LIVING, MY CONSCIOUS SCATTERED THROUGH THESE TINY, FORGOTTEN STATUES FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS! I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU NOT GET BORED AND WANT TO HAVE FUN AFTER ALL THAT TIME!**

Tak continues to glare...

 **ALRIGHT, SPOIL SPORT. I'VE HAD MY FUN, WHAT BOON WOULD YOU HAVE OF ME?**

"Give me the ability to do magic." She says simply.

 **HMMMMM...WELL, MY POWER ISN'T GREAT ENOUGH RIGHT NOW TO 'GIVE' MAGIC...BUT I CAN UNLOCK WHATEVER MAGICAL POTENTIAL YOU HAVE WITHIN YOU.**

Tak rolled her eye's, "Sure, fine, whatever. Just do it."

Her body glows...then flashes.

 **WOW! THERE WAS GREAT POTENTIAL INSIDE YOU! ONE OF THE HIGHEST CONCENTRATION I'VE EVER SEEN!**

Tak smiles at this...then frowns. "Wait, how do I use it?"

 **SORRY MY DEAR, LESSONS COST EXTRA.**

Tak groaned, "Oh, for the love of- FINE! What do I need to do now?"

 **AS IT WAS WRITTEN IN THE DIVINE BOOK BOOK OF FABRICATION'S: BEFORE THOU CAN GET, THOU MUST TAKE AWAY. THE UNIVERSE MUST BE BALANCE BEFORE THE UNIVERSE IN THYSELF FINDS BALANCE. FOR-**

"What in the name of the seven rings are you talking about?" Demanded Tak.

 **THOSE TEENAGERS HAVE URINATED ON ME MANY TIMES, STEAL THEIR CLOTHES AND DRIVE THEM FROM THIS CAVE TO HUMILIATE THEM.**

Tak looks over to the oblivious teens who'd ignored everything to focus on 'frolicking' and shrugs...

Soon naked teens are leaving in droves, screaming as their backside's are on fire...

...

Gaz groaned as she once more found her purple dress missing as she got out of the shower-

"Small breasted she-male! Your chest-

Gaz cold-cocked Zim, he fell to the ground unconscious. He then stole his clothes...briefly snicked at the size of his genitals...

 _"Little sprig of grass surrounded by two pimples...no wonder he yells all the time."_ She snickers to herself as she puts on his clothes. She watches as a bunch of towel-clad girls enter the locker room and leaves to the sound of a naked Zim getting even more beat up.

Gaz smirks at this-

 **ZAP!**

-until Zim's beating caused his pak to reroute power from the nanites keeping his clothes together to life support and leaving her naked in the hallway, a flustered Gaz barely had time to process the laughter before Mrs. Bitters steps out of the shadows and begins to spank her with a paddle...

...

Dib grunted as he picked up another garden gnome. As punishment for losing the talismans, Dib had been forced to a months worth of community service...and here he was picking up alien manure...which for some reason aliens like to make look like garden gnomes...

On the plus side, Zim was Gaz's problem now so that was something...

And that's when he saw a bunch of naked, flaming teens ran by him screaming of a monster.

puzzled, Dib looks where they came from and sees a trail of burning foliage. Now Curious, he follows the trail back to it's source...

…III...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


End file.
